10 Remarkable Lessons from Military Children

In honor of April, Month of the Military Child, I’ve been reflecting on things I’ve learned from military children. Our 6-year-old son, Finn, has unknowingly taught me a lot on our military life journey. I think that’s true for many military kids who are often born into this lifestyle. They must learn to be flexible, adaptive, and yes, resilient, a word I’ve come around to after almost a decade of this life.

Here are the remarkable life lessons I’ve learned from military kids:

1. Live in the Moment.

One of my favorite things about children is that they often excel at living in the moment (note: this does not apply for impending holidays, birthdays, PCSes, or road trips!). Children look at what is in front of them and immerse themselves in it.

I find myself living in the past or the future and rarely in the present. I have fleeting moments of living in the present when I’m practicing yoga or when my favorite song comes on the radio. To be present is not easy, but it brings contentment and fulfillment.

2. Explore Your Surroundings.

I’ve noticed children tend to see more than I do when we’re out and about. I want to live with more childlike eyes. Moving frequently may force you into exploring your community and maybe not on your terms or timeline. I see this as an advantage.

You might be a tourist in your new town, so live like one! One of my favorite resources is Trip Advisor Forums. (Tip: Use the search function to help narrow topics!) I use it to find great parks and family-friendly activities in places we’ve never been.

3. Be Kind, Nice, and Protect the Weak.

My son’s favorite book is Way of the Warrior Kid by Jocko Willink.

The primary character, Mark, is scared to face sixth grade, but his Uncle Jake, a Navy Seal, comes to stay with him during the summer and teaches him skills including how to manage bullies. The message is pretty good, a little cheesy, but we all like Jocko in this house, so we let the cheesy-ness slide!

Finn takes to heart one of the principles of being a Warrior Kid: Be kind, nice, and protect the weak. I can apply this principle in my life, too. Making new friends is tough. But my goal is to be kind and nice, especially when I’m not really feeling it or when the person isn’t kind back.

4. Work Hard. Play Hard.

This is another one that formed from reading Way of the Warrior Kid. I get worn out when my husband is at a long training, our schedule is disrupted, or while in deployment mode. Sometimes I forget to have fun. When I take an hour to play with Finn, I often find myself laughing, and it helps melt away the stress. I’m not naturally playful, so Finn is a great blessing in my life.

Maybe your version of fun isn’t playing Nerf war with your kids. Find what is rejuvenating and healthy for your soul and make time for it. This might be meeting up with a friend for a book club or Bible study. Maybe it’s painting or crafting. For me, it’s reading, and I find when I make time for even one chapter, I’m better equipped to handle the hard work in my day.

5. Be Flexible.

We all know the military has its own schedule. I’m always amazed at my son’s reaction when I share that Daddy will be home later than we planned (be it hours, days, or weeks). He takes it in stride, accepts it, and gets back to what he was originally up to.

I can’t say that for myself! Sometimes I get angry and frustrated. Learning to be flexible with whatever situation happens (because something is going to happen while he’s away!) has freed me from frustration. Sure, I get a little disappointed, but I’ve learned to let it go. I can’t control the military, so it can’t control my feelings!

6. Don’t Stop Living.

The first year we were married, my husband attended a training in Japan, supported a deploying unit, and then unexpectedly was deployed himself (with 30 days’ notice). We spent a total of less than six months actually seeing one another! It was the perfect induction into military life.

It was my first real taste that the military comes first. I struggled to figure out what my life was to be. While my husband was deployed well into our second year of marriage, I seemed to be stuck.

The military kids I know learn quickly how to live life where they’re at. Overall, they settle into their new routines, new schools, and new communities, usually quickly so they don’t miss a thing.

It’s an area that I continue to work on. How do I live my life not as two separate lives: one when my husband is home and a separate life when he is gone? We only get one, and I don’t want to waste years waiting on my husband to be always be there.

One way I do this is to just go for it. Maybe it’s taking my son to the State Fair, taking a hike on a nice day, going to a movie without him, or throwing that birthday party. It’s a tough balance and I’m continually working on it.

7. Pride in America.

Have you watched a military child when they are reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, singing the National Anthem, or perking up when they hear an Army cadence? I’m prone to bouts of bitterness when in the thick of military life. I simply need to see Finn focused at attention to crack my hard shell.

His dedication to loving our country helps remind me of why I aim to be positive about living this crazy life.

8. Strong, Tough, Fierce, Not Scared.

I asked Finn what he thought made him different than non-military kids. Where we live, he only has a handful of kids in his school who have parents in the military. He answered, “Strong, tough, fierce, not scared.” And there it was, another weakness in my life.

As military spouses, we need to be fierce. Not in a cruel way but passionate. Our service members are taking on jobs that very few volunteer for. This means our children learn about evil in the world much earlier than others.

We must be tough on the home front. We must not shy from struggles. That doesn’t mean facing struggles alone. If you need help, please ask. Great places to ask for help include neighbors, members at a church you attend, or if you need more help, reach out to Military OneSource or other resources available to us.

9. Be Helpful.

So many times I feel like I’m doing All. The. Things. On. My. Own. But, when Daddy’s gone, believe it or not, Finn steps in. Sometimes it’s as small as taking out the trash. His eyes open a little wider and he watches for opportunities to jump in.

This goes with my above point. Be a good neighbor. Reach out and offer assistance to others in your neighborhood or church. Invite other spouses over for coffee or wine on the back porch while the kids play. Take down the fences in your life (figuratively, I don’t think housing would be thrilled if you knocked down the fences!).

Did you notice that your neighbor looked worn out? Invite her kids over for a few hours. Watch for opportunities to be helpful. Trust me, those opportunities might come when you may not feel like helping, but when you act your heart will be a bit fuller and our military communities will become stronger.

10. Hope.

Finally, our military kids offer us a lesson in hope. Finn has full confidence in the military. He believes service members are strong and unstoppable. He sees them as heroes. Let’s follow suit in all areas of our lives.

Be hopeful. Military life offers plenty of ups and downs. I’ve had periods of hopelessness, where I felt trapped by the military lifestyle (if you’re struggling with hopelessness, please get help. Military OneSource is quick, easy, and confidential).

A small attitude shift can take me from hopeless to hopeful. At times, it make take some searching, but we always have reasons to hope.