5 Ways to Cultivate Gratitude in the Hard Moments
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… Being a military spouse is not for the weak-hearted.
There are ups and downs, joys and sorrows, laughter and tears, seasons of celebration and seasons of suck. It’s an emotional rollercoaster that can leave us excited and ready to jump back on and take another spin. But other times, this life-calling finds us with a spinning head, holding back tears with a nauseous stomach and searching for a puke bucket.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years of milspousing (is that a verb?) it’s that there is great power in possessing an attitude of gratitude. However, that is sometimes much easier said than done.
How can we cultivate gratitude in our hard military spouse moments? Here are five ways:
1. Engage in self care.
I know, I know… I probably sound like a broken record. “Take care of yourself,” they say. “Make yourself a priority.” We know. But seriously. It’s true.
Self care is a huge component of being grateful in all seasons and at all times. It really is almost impossible to see anything good in life if we’re constantly run down, weary, angry, or stressed. We make it a priority to charge our phones on a regular basis, so why don’t we do the same for ourselves?
Even if it’s a few moments on a Sunday to take a power nap, or wear fuzzy pajamas when it’s cold outside, watch a movie with the kids, grab a donut on the way to the store, take a warm bath, go for a run, whatever it is, take care of yourself. Seeing things around you to be thankful for will soon become more joy and less work.
2. Make a list.
I love lists. Not only do they keep me focused but they give me energy. Plus, when the going gets tough, looking back on my list of “life gifts” or “reasons to be thankful” or whatever you want to call it gives me the strength and perspective to keep going.
Ever since I read Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts back in November 2011, I’ve been keeping a gratitude list. I’ve filled three journals and will soon break 12,000 items on my list. Yes, you read that right. This is a powerful weapon in my arsenal when I’m struggling to engage a grateful heart.
3. Be kind.
The concept of kindness isn’t new, but how does it relate to gratitude? Well, let me tell you from experience, it’s totally a thing. Doing random acts of kindness takes us out of our bubble and helps us see good in the world around us.
Example: A few weeks ago, I bought Chick-fil-A lemonades for the crew of seven state probationers that work to clean and maintain our local park. It’s been weeks since then, but their supervisor still stops me every so often to say thank you—again. And those feels of his gratitude make me grateful that I was able to bless them.
Kindness also works in our homes. Recently, I took Shaunti Feldhahn’s 30 day kindness challenge and focused on my husband. Let me tell you something—her three guidelines of nixing negativity, finding one thing per day to praise your partner for, and then doing one small act of kindness not only recharged our marriage, but it changed my heart. (Click here to listen to our Army Wife Talk Radio interview with Shaunti about The Kindness Challenge.)
4. Check your perspective.
It’s easy to get pulled down into the junk of this world. All we have to do is turn on the news or scroll through Facebook and it won’t be long until we want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over our head. Not helpful with the gratitude thing, right?
Well, taking a look at our current perspective can be helpful, especially if we are in a yucky “winter” season of life that seems to last forever. Ask yourself these questions: Can I control my circumstances? What is the best way I can respond to my current situation? What can I learn from this?
5. Celebrate the small victories
Someone started this ugly rumor that we should only celebrate the big stuff in life: birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, holidays, homecomings. But I don’t agree. I think every single day we have something to celebrate.
Managed to get the kids put to bed by yourself without losing your temper? Victory! Got a quick workout in even though your schedule was jam-packed? Victory! Everyone fed supper? (And yes, cereal counts.) Victory! Blog post about gratitude written? Victory.
Readers, how do you cultivate gratitude when things are difficult? I would love to hear all about it in the comments below.
