An Open Letter to Myself

Do you ever allow the uncertainties of your future to impact your present? You probably do. As a military wife, one of the easiest times to do this is when you know the orders are coming soon.

For my husband and me, we thought we already had those orders, and now I find myself dwelling on the possibilities. Currently, dwelling on a negative possibility.

This is the first time we have to ask for Command Sponsorship–essentially asking if am I cleared to go with my husband during this next upcoming PCS.

I honestly had no idea Command Sponsorship was a thing. Now that I need it, I can’t get it out of my mind that I might not get it. Since there only seems to be two choices–yes or no—it really feels like a fifty-fifty shot.

I am struggling with the idea of the possibility of no. I mean big time struggling, like several big ugly cries, several angry conversations trying to express my lack of understanding, and beyond several moments of thinking, “Could time just hurry up so that we’d know already?”

No. Time cannot hurry up, and as such, what I decided I needed for right now is the following open letter to myself. I’m calling it open because I have a hunch that my re-reading it may end up applying to any number of future situations.

Dear Wife,

I know you are struggling right now. Please remember that the struggle is only for right now, and most importantly, the struggle is not even about right now. It’s future-based. Take your time if you need it, but then remember the following:

Today, you do live with your husband! Some vague notion that you might be separated for a time does not change the fact that you are here now. You are together now, in the same place, and luckily enough, really happy together.

Seriously, find a way to focus on today over the fear that the proverbial tomorrow might be different. Nobody knows what tomorrow is going to be like, so why would you assume to be any different than anyone else?

Listen to your support network instead of your own fears! You are surrounded by people who are trying to understand your struggle and be there for you. How blessed are you for that? Here’s a reminder of some of their words you should be choosing over your own worrisome thoughts.

Your husband says it will be fine, and he has no problem saying he loves you even when you are a big ugly crying hot mess. Your father reminds you of a strong belief that everything happens for a reason–and you really do believe this. Your mother says to do the best you can to work through the needed process and see what happens.

Your friends say things like:

“I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You can use my office if you need some time to process.”

“I’ll believe in something good for the both of us and then we’ll celebrate. It’s all going to be worth it. One step at a time.”

“Hey, buddy, don’t worry, if you can’t go with him, you can always come live up here with us!”

“Sure it will suck compared to being with him, but you’ll be fine.”

Your relationship is strong! Hello? What are you even thinking? How can you be afraid and doubt so much that a separation feels this threatening? Remember how he was deployed for six months almost right after you met? Your relationship was practically founded on being together while separated.

Yes, that deployment separation was hard, but you came through that fine. Better than fine. You weren’t even his wife yet during that separation, and afterwards he wanted you to be his wife! You will still be his wife and he will still be your husband. No one is trying to tell you that you can’t be his wife anymore.

Positive thoughts are way more attractive! You are the only one stopping yourself from believing the answer could be yes instead of no. You know how to flip your thoughts, and you should be doing so now.

Instead of, “Why can’t time hurry up and give us our answer?” it could sound a lot more like, “One more day, one more step closer to finding out.” What if you gave yourself a glimpse of how thankful you will be if the answer is actually yes, and you do get Command Sponsorship? What if you walked around smiling because right now you have the opportunity to ask for permission to go on this huge new adventure with your husband?

After you are through remembering the above, remember one more little detail, Wife. This letter, “Dear Wife” was not written by just a wife.

Love always,

An Army Wife

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About Angie Andrews

Angie Andrews is a lucky lady. Lucky, and blessed to be a wife and an Army Wife to boot. She lives in Mississippi with her husband and two cats, Hunter and Matthews. Angie and her husband were married in 2013 and he began his military career in 2008. They met in Florida and Angie hopes they will live off the Gulf Coast within walking distance to the beach one day. Along with the beach, Angie loves to have a good laugh, a good friend, and a good read or write. She has some serious favorites: food – macaroni and cheese, music - Tom Petty, workout - elliptical miles. Angie graduated from UCF with a degree in Elementary Education and taught for seven years, five of those years as a first grade teacher, and the last two as a reading coach. She has a collection of other jobs before and after teaching as well. Presently, she works at a local university. Angie is thrilled to be a part of the Army Wife Network blog contributors and invites your thoughts and responses. You can reach out to her on Twitter @wifeitupwife.

One Response to “An Open Letter to Myself”

  1. Mom September 6, 2018 11:02 pm
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    Angie,
    I LOVE your letter to yourself, and I love you.
    No matter what, we’re are here for you.
    Your Andrews-McClellan family