Expanding Our Family

We welcomed our second child at the beginning of March, expanding our family by one more. I found my experience to be vastly different this time around than with my first son. It’s been interesting to reflect on both situations.

With my first son, I delivered at a military hospital while at Fort Lewis (JBLM). My husband was home for the birth and for about three weeks afterward, since he was only halfway through an unaccompanied tour in Korea. I was also more than a thousand miles away from any of my close family and faced a lot of anxiety about becoming a new parent.

A nurse checking out our first son just shortly after he was born.

I struggled for some time with postpartum depression, and my experience in the hospital was awful. I think that triggered me most. The staff was in and out of my room dozens of times, but it was almost always different people (which means they were not communicating with each other). Because of that, I was barely sleeping and not because I had a newborn!

They also do rooming-in at this hospital, which means the baby never leaves the room other than for a procedure (like blood work) or if the pediatrician wants to do an evaluation. That usually isn’t a bad thing, but for me it meant even less rest. I also felt pressured by some of the staff to breastfeed, and I struggled with it. My son was considered full term, but he had trouble latching and the frustration and lack of sleep wore on me quickly.

Needless to say, after about six weeks and some anti-depressants I finally started to feel normal again. It was difficult to have a newborn by myself at all times, but I was able to get the hang of it and made it through.

My second son was born at a civilian hospital here near Scott Air Force Base, as the base is small enough that they don’t have anything more than a clinic. My husband thankfully wasn’t overseas; he’s been here ever since our PCS to this duty station. Being an experienced parent gave me a much better outlook, and the nursing staff and doctors at the hospital were amazing.

I only had one nurse for each shift. She would rarely bother me unless she was doing a check or needed to give me medications. This hospital also was great because they had a nursery, and the nurses were nice enough to take the baby for a few hours so I could get some sleep. After all, labor is called labor for a reason!

With the exception of one nurse making a comment about breastfeeding being best (cue me ignoring this because I’m not going to let anyone tell me how to feed my child), the nurses also helped me try breastfeeding but didn’t look down their noses at me if I chose to give my baby formula. A fed baby is the best kind! I struggled with breastfeeding this time around as well, though I felt it was going a bit better. However, this little one also had a shallow latch, so it was getting painful and frustrating for both of us.

The nurse taking some measurements of our second son.

One thing that has unfortunately been the same this time around was my need for anti-depressants. I started to take them while I was still pregnant. The adjustment to being at this duty station has been much more difficult for me.

In Washington I had friends, even though I didn’t always see them a lot. Here, making friends has been harder for me. I’m not sure why. I’m not a put-myself-out-there kind of person either, so that might have something to do with it.

Being a stay-at-home parent has left me not doing much in the adult conversation department either. But I’ve had the chance to be near my family, and have been able to visit them more frequently, so that has been a positive change for me and for my kids to see their family members as well.

I think having both of these experiences has really helped me figure out what I would like going forward if I choose to have any more children. And if I don’t, I hope that my experiences can help another woman who might be going through similar things, whether or not she’s part of the military community.

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Mary Spangler

Mary Spangler

Mary was born and raised in South Bend, Indiana. She currently lives in the suburbs of Chicago with her husband, SFC Spangler, their two sons, and one cat. Previous duty stations include Scott Air Force Base, Illinois, Joint Base Lewis McChord, Washington, Rivanna Station, Virginia, and Fort Shafter, Hawaii. She earned a Bachelor’s degree in Journalism from Indiana University in 2009. During her college years she also spent some time volunteering for the Student Veteran’s Association, and participated briefly in the Army ROTC program. She loves writing, music, gardening, watching documentaries and movies, cooking, hosting get-togethers, spending time with family and friends, and traveling.

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