Expectations

Expectations: In the case of uncertainty, expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. An expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected, it is a surprise. An expectation about the behavior or performance of another person, expressed to that person, may have the nature of a strong request, or an order.

Expectations have been the topic of conversation at my house this past week. What exactly about them? It’s true that my expectations are high. It’s inherent. I can’t change it; I’ve tried. Having high expectations is not such a bad thing. It’s what keeps me motivated. It’s what gives me goals. It’s why my laundry gets done. It’s why my business moves forward. You get the point.

Having high expectations for yourself is one thing, but having them for another is a completely different story. A story that can lead to disappointment, anger, hurt, and sometimes, not just on your part. If you don’t expect enough from someone, you’re said to not have enough confidence in them. If you expect too much, you’re a pain in their side and needy.

Finding the balance can only be done by trial and error. How much are they willing to work? Can you count on them? Are they a good friend? Can they be trusted? Give them something to do. Ask them for a favor. Trust them with something important. If it works, great! You know what to expect. If it doesn’t, the same is true.

All of this gets thrown out the window when you apply it to the Army because, well, let’s face it—it implies logic. Logic = Army, right? Not so much!

How many of you have high expectations? Believe in the best? Think it will all work out? Think a schedule is a schedule? Trust that people will do what they say they will? I’ll admit, I do.

How many of you find yourselves beating your heads against the proverbial brick wall when your husband has a weekend scheduled off and then, at the last minute, he doesn’t? Never mind the plans you’ve made to go out of town, the tickets you’ve bought, the reservations you’ve made. None of them matter. It’s not his fault but ARGGGHHH! Don’t you just want to scream?!

Or please, please, tell me that I’m not the only one who “expects” things differently when they are deployed vs. when they’re home. It’s true, isn’t it? I mean, when they’re deployed, expectations are simple. You have none. At least when it comes to how much help you’ll get around the house. You might expect him to call or email, but you know who’s going to do the dishes and feed the dog…

Y-O-U!

So, what happens when they are home? You form a completely different set of expectations for them. It’s so hard. I tried explaining it to my husband and he thinks I’m crazy. He doesn’t understand why having him home would be more work. Anyone with me here? Um, let’s see… I miss you when you’re gone, and I wouldn’t trade you being there vs. here for the world…

But yeah, it’s more work when you’re home.

There’s more socks to pick up, one more person to feed (er, I mean dinner vs. cereal to eat), there’s another towel on the rack, three more loads of laundry, a completely different schedule, two parents vs. one (read as: two sets of rules to compromise)… Shall I go on?

This week, the “tiff” was the fact that since we moved to Fort Sill to “teach” and not deploy for a bit,  I expected that meant he would be home before 6 p.m. each night and might have the weekend off. Now, I realize that this is probably an unrealistic expectation, but in my defense it was what I was told would be the case.

What I got? Was a big ol’ can of “yeah, right, that will happen.”

Did I forget we were in the Army? Perhaps. The only thing I think I should expect from now on is…

Not to expect.

How do you keep your expectations in check, especially when it comes to the Army? Share your thoughts!