Field Problem: Pass Info to Your Parents

Dear, Field Problems:

Why aren’t there any real resources for military parents? There is an assumption that we don’t want to know information or that we don’t care. We are not sure which. Do you know of any resources to help us out?

Pat and Ryan Bryant; Milwaukee, WI; parents of a service member

Dear, Mr. and Mrs. Bryant:

We’d love to take some time to answer your questions, but first want to thank you for supporting your service member-child.

Why the absence of resources?

There are some resources out there, but admittedly, most apply to military spouses and children. It is not that “they” don’t think you care, but you are not in “their backyard” so to speak. Military families live on the installation, they use the military resources, and let’s face it, what is in front of you is what you pay attention to. We think the old adage “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” can apply here. It is about time military parents become the squeaky wheel.

What do military parents need?

Soldiers and spouses have the means or know how to navigate the military system. If they don’t, they get baptized by fire by living it. But, parents need to know the ins and outs of military life too. Unless they are prior military, they probably don’t understand things as basic as the Exchange or the commissary. They certainly don’t innately know how to read a leave and earnings statement (LES). They need to know how to support their service member (and their family) physically and emotionally: things like how to understand the basic setup of rank, military structure, and what to pack in a care package.

What applies to spouses does not always apply to parents.

Author and military mom Sandy Doell told one of our co-founders in a interview, “I found resources, but they did not speak to my needs. Military spouses are unique, they are a member of a team, and they have a partner who is in the military. That partner that they share life responsibilities with is about to leave on deployment. Their needs are different than mine because I have my partner here. I don’t need to know how to hug a pillow in the middle of the night not to miss my husband, how to change a tire, or how to get quotes from a plumber. I needed to know how to get emotional support, how to support my son, and where to find all this information.”

What about being part of the Soldier and Family Readiness Groups?

The definition of an SFRG does offer support by including extended family members. The only issue is that their “content” does not always apply, depending on the situation. The most important advice given to parents in regards to SFRGs is to make sure that your soldier is turning in your information and requesting you to get emails with information and necessary phone calls from the group. Remember, that as a family member you may have to use Sandy’s logic above and hit delete a few times, because not all resources will apply to you.

Bridging the Gap

We want to point out to our readers that if they are a service member or a military spouse, it would benefits them to start explaining and teaching their parents and in-laws about this life. As service members and family members, we know there are things we “don’t tell them,” but there is so much we could that we don’t. Make it your mission to educate your extended family, because while educating them you are empowering them to understand and to educate other civilians about the military lifestyle and to better support you and your service member in turn.

We here at AWN were able to locate some recently developed resources specifically for parents. This is not an all inclusive list, by any means, but it will give you a great start on your journey.

• National Military Family Association: We pass their name around a lot here, but that’s because they’re a helpful resource. Their mission is to stand for military family members.
• Your Soldier, Your Army: A Family Guide by Vicky Cody: This is a deployment survival guide for parents and spouses. Cody turns her own 30-year experience as the wife and mother of service members into advice and consolation for other parents with deploying children. Cody covers the whole gamut of deployments, from the preparation, through the endurance, and to the homecoming, and includes a personal view into Army life and an explanation of Army terminology. You can download a free copy from the Association of the United States Army.
• Mom’s Field Guide: What You Need to Know to Make it Through Your Loved One’s Deployment by Sandy Doell: This is a wonderful compilation of information relative to military parents.
• Today’s Military: This website can help you find out more about the military before your son or daughter enlists or before they go to Basic Combat Training.