Four Little Words
I know, I know, we’re supposed to be tough, get up, quit complaining. We have so much to be thankful for, right? We’re military spouses, we know the drill. But sometimes things get real. Not that the optimistic side of me isn’t real, because it’s me most of the time. Every now and again, however, those four little words creep out of the dark into my head.
As much as I squish them out, they can reappear. From out of the blue when something goes completely awry, the four little words no spouse is supposed to utter, that taboo phrase, rolls off my lips. Words that seasoned spouses should never say.
But, if you’ve spent more than a few minutes, or a few moves, or a few unplanned TDYs in the military, then, if we’re being honest, the four little words have crossed most of our minds and flown out of our mouths. After eight years, four moves, numerous TDYs, training, and one deployment, I’ve reached a limit with our current duty station.
As we drove down the road, leaving a meeting from my son’s high school, I was so angry at the complete stupidity of a situation that the words sprung into the air without me even being able to stop them.
“I hate the military” was set free.
Those four little words.
I couldn’t believe I was saying it, and I couldn’t take it back. What had I done? My husband sat quietly in the driver’s seat. I’m sure he was as stunned as I was. The gravity of the situation we were in was one of a no-win situation, and it was all because we were stationed in a location that was not conducive to newcomers. As we continued down the road and my anger grew at the situation, with little restraint I repeated the statement. In fact, over the next few days, although a blur, I may have said the dreaded four little words again.
As I began to calm down, days later, my anger mellowed and I began to see clearly again. What I realized was this: I didn’t really hate the military, I hated the situation. A situation we would never have been put in if we weren’t stationed at our location. But as the saying goes, it is what it is, we were in the situation. I had to deal with it, to be tough, get up, quit complaining. I felt I needed to apologize to my spouse and the military as a whole, which I did.
It went something like this:
“I’m sorry I was so upset. Please don’t feel guilty your job put us here. We’re grateful for all your hard work. I’m sorry because if it weren’t for you we could be homeless and jobless, no medical insurance or college scholarships for me. I was wrong; can you please forgive me?”
The reason I share these thoughts with you is to help you know that, every once in a while, it’s okay to embrace your inner dislike of a particular situation you may find yourself in due to the military life. But, I’m also here to say it shouldn’t be your anthem or battle cry.
One thing I’ve learned from this outburst: nothing lasts forever. This will pass. I really do love our life and all the opportunities it brings, and in retrospect, more positive opportunities than negative if one were to count. Also, I never want my partner to feel guilty for making a choice to serve our country, to provide for his family, or fulfill his life’s journey. I’m proud to be a military spouse.
And although it isn’t perfect and we may have, let’s say, a moderate disagreement with the military and we may be tempted to utter those four little words, we must think carefully.
They’re strong words. Words not to be used on every whim or at each struggle. But if for some reason they slip out, know that you aren’t alone. We all have those days. When we do, we need to be tough, get up, quit complaining, and learn to love our sweet generous military again.
