How to Support Your Soldier When He is Angry at the Military–Part 2

(Be sure to read Part 1 of this post!)

If your husband is injured and in a medical holding platoon, he probably spends a lot of time hearing he is damaged, broken, and unfit. Even if this is untrue, if you are told something enough you begin to believe it.

Take special care to tell your husband how capable you think he is. Don’t give him any reason to think you agree with the military’s assessment of him as damaged. If he feels secure and valued at home, that will build his confidence which will play out in a positive way at work as well.

If he believes he is broken, he will act as if he is broken and he will lose confidence; his work performance will suffer, which might lead to more yelling. Ask your husband to do things for you around the house and thank him for his work.

Don’t hover over him and micromanage his work when he does do things for you, let him do it his way. It will still get done. Sure, he might not load the dishwasher exactly like you do but it will be loaded and you didn’t have to do it. Trust him with responsibilities in the house. Remind him of how great you think he is; you wouldn’t have married him if you didn’t think he was great, after all.

Love him and treat him like the adult he is. In my experience, they don’t get that from work, especially when they are injured.

And finally, try not to let your anger towards the military influence how you respond to him.

When he is happy with the military it is ok to express your concerns and apprehensions and disappointments with military life. But, when he is angry is not the time to share those concerns.

Find a friend, a trusted military spouse who understands, and confide in her. Then you can remain neutral and not influence your husband into one decision or another. It does no good to ignore your disappointment with the military, however. If you just stuff it inside it will come out in ugly ways that you don’t want. So find a friend you can trust until your husband is more content and then share your disappointments with him.

You can support your husband when he is angry at the military.

I know it’s hard not to get angry too when they treat the person you love so much with such disrespect sometimes. The key is to not try and ignore your or your husband’s hurt feelings toward the military. It is ok to have any feeling you have, it is when you deny your feelings that you begin to experience anxiety and depression.

Respect your husband’s feelings; he is justified in his emotions. Support him in the ways you would want to be supported, and he will appreciate it.


About Grace Lipscomb

Grace Lipscomb has been an Army wife for a little over a year. She was raised all over the world from South Carolina to Micronesia. A recent graduate from University of South Carolina where she completed her masters degree in Counselor Education, emphasis in marriage and family counseling, she is trying to get her foot in the door to provide services for troops and family members. She is currently a full time stay at home puppy mom to one rambunctious little ball of energy. She loves Starbucks, friends at the dog park, baking, eating all the sweets and cheese she can, and obsessively re-watching all episodes of Gilmore Girls.

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