What To Expect: Military Edition

I think a lot of us are genetically engineered to want more information. I’m pretty sure that’s how Google started. We have an inherent need to know as much as we can get our hands on and relate with others. That’s a fair assessment, right?

There are so many pregnancy and parenting books. You’ll find whole sections on the topic at your local book store. Believe it or not, I never cracked open What To Expect When You’re Expecting. Looking back, I think I was way more concerned about the parenting part than I was the being pregnant part. Being pregnant for a lot of people sucks, but even if your pregnancy sucks, it only lasts nine months.

Parenting lasts FOR-EV-ER.

I read lots of parenting books, including Brain Rules For Baby, and I felt like I was ready to tackle motherhood. I felt like I had all the knowledge and coping strategies in my inner Batman-like utility belt, ready to be unleashed at a moment’s notice.

And then I had Matthew.

What does God do when you make plans Yeah, Google that.

As the mom of an almost 4-year-old, every day presents a new challenge. I feel like I have to change my parenting strategies every single day just to cope. The woman I was before I was pregnant would never put up with a child throwing a fit over a cookie. There will be no crying in public either.

The woman now?

Eat the damn cookie, and go do something quietly.

What are you gonna do? I need to make it out of toddlerhood alive somehow.

Military life is a lot like parenthood.

My mother-in-law has been affiliated with the military, essentially, her whole life, going from a military kid to a milspouse. I’ve not spoken with anyone who has had so much experience with everything from PCSing, to dealing with housing, to how to handle Tricare issues. I picked her brain before my husband joined the Army, and she shed light on the good, the bad, and the ugly that is the military. I felt like I had all of the necessary tools to adapt to military life.

And then God laughed at me again.

I’m a roll-with-the-punches kind of person. I’m relatively easy going, and I have nomadic tendencies, so I was looking forward to military life. Experiencing new places was something I was actually excited about. I was born and raised in the Bronx. New York City is saturated with culture and different kinds of people; it’s like I was bred to be tolerant of differences, so I felt like I could handle anyone and anything.

And then we moved to Fort Rucker, Alabama. At this point, God got the popcorn out. I struggled there. I realized quickly that I found small towns strange. It was too quiet. And why were people hanging out at Walmart? I just didn’t get it. I was miserable at Fort Rucker. I thought I was adequately prepared for this life, and then I realized something—there aren’t enough books, there aren’t enough conversations, and there aren’t enough Google searches to make up for experience.

Parenting, military life, anything new, You name it. Nothing can prepare you for every single detail. 

My struggle at Fort Rucker is not the same as someone else’s struggle here in Seoul, South Korea. I love it here, and some people hate it here. My experience as an aviator’s spouse is not the same experience as another aviator’s spouse. The reservist’s spouse in Ohio does not share the same highs and lows as the National Guard’s spouse in Missouri or the medic’s spouse in Fort Carson.

The statement “You knew what you were getting yourself into” is so unfair. It’s a gross generalization that I think is thrown around way too much. Who knows exactly what they are getting themselves into with anything?

Who knew they’d have to fight with Tricare to pay for a basic urgent care visit?

Who knew the movers would pack your trash in with the HHGs?

Who fully understood how much their heart would hurt when their service member deployed?  You can know logically in your brain that the deployment would happen and it would suck, but that doesn’t mean the message made it to your heart.

I think you can have an idea of what to expect, but that doesn’t automatically make things easier to deal with.

Please, please, stop with the finger-pointing and unfounded assumptions that we all knew what we were “getting into.” There aren’t enough Google searches in the world to make up for personal experience, and no two people respond to similar situations the same way.

Just ask the spouse who hates Korea and purse shopping.