Recipe for a Good Milspouse

Editor’s note: This post was originally published on Military.com. 

I recently came across this really good recipe for a military spouse:

1 1/2 cups patience
1 lb. adaptability
3/4 cup tolerance
1 tsp. courage
Dash of adventure

Combine the above ingredients. Add 2 tablespoons of elbow grease. Marinate frequently with salty tears. Pour off excess fat. Sprinkle lightly with money. Season the mixture with international spices. Knead the dough until payday. Bake 20 years, or until done.

I decided I was going to make one of these “military spouses” if it killed me. I’d heard about how good they were. I have the recipe. So what if there is no picture of the final product. I can cook, right?

Interestingly enough, shopping for these items at your local grocery store is not as easy as finding the recipe. It is not as if there is a big sign that boasts “tolerance on aisle six.”

My local drugstore doesn’t even carry “courage”—I’ve checked.

I headed out to the commissary hoping to purchase a “dash of adventure” only to find they were completely dumbfounded at my request.

I found that “patience” is way too hard to come by. I used up most of what I had on my children.

I was able to find international spices on eBay, but the shipping was horrendous. This is why it was so hard for me to fulfill the next step of “sprinkling lightly with money.” Very hard to do when you’re all out.

The only grease I could find was on my stove top from the bacon I cooked on Sunday.

Did I not possess the skill to prepare this meal? Perhaps it was just chef error. I’ll admit, the only way I knew how to marinate was in a large batch of margaritas. I save the tears for the rim of the glass.

Unfortunately, my scale has never shown that any fat has been pouring off from any part of my body (perhaps a result of marinating?). I have a hard time relating to that part of the instructions.

So, there I sat feeling completely defeated. My recipe just wasn’t working out.

“Oh well”, I thought, “I’ll adapt.”

Do you think I could find one in the frozen section?