Simple Joys

Last week,  after hanging up the phone from a 15-minute MWR call with my service member, it dawned on me that he has missed most of Wrena’s life and is about to miss a good chunk of Chloe’s.

I sat there crying.

I normally don’t think about it, but all of a sudden, him being upset about it made me think about all the times that I have gotten to experience with Wrena—simple things. We, as spouses, usually think big. We think of things like graduations, births, deaths, and first steps. Maybe that’s because, if we sit and think about the simple joys of life that our partner is missing out on, we might envelope ourselves in such a hysteric spiral we might never recover.

Downward into that spiral I went. The simple things he’s missing, like her refusal to eat anything other than chicken nuggets and noodles, her completely inaccurate rationalization of events, the millionth time she tells me she is “running away,” or even the one time she told me she wished I was in Iraq instead of Daddy.

Well, okay, those are things I’m sure he’s glad he missed.

But what about her learning to read, kissing her goodnight, her kindergarten graduation, her moving up in sizes to a 6 from a 4, crafting with her, or yes, even the one time she tried watermelon? What about those times?

Chloe is the newest arrival in the Crooks household, scheduled to arrive in August. What about her? What about her birth? She’ll grow up and only her mother will be able to tell her how the events of that day happened. What about the first time I feed her or the first time she poops? What about when she sits up or crawls? Those moments he’ll miss too. Of course, he’ll also miss sleepless nights, bonding between siblings, and a million other things.

Yes, we’ll adjust. He’ll come back and we’ll move right along. We always do.

I eventually managed to calm myself down and rationalize this irrational behavior. I can’t be like this. I’m not getting myself anywhere. This is not good for anyone. Play the hand you’ve been dealt, I told myself.

Today, because this all did dawn on me, I decided that if Kevin wasn’t going to get to experience it, I was going to take a step back from this crazy life and figure out what was important.

If he couldn’t be there for all of these things, and I was too busy being supermom and super milspouse then who would?

No one.

That could be a problem.

So, I gathered my thoughts and decided on a schedule. I don’t know if all of you are like this, but I am definitely one that can spend some serious time on the computer. I am always there to help someone else out. Everyone can count on me, at the sacrifice of my own family at times. I made a decision today to do everything in my power not to let that happen. I took a peek at my calendar for the summer and decided when I could work during the summer. I work from home for a reason, and I need to stop adapting to everyone else and start accommodating my own self and family.

So I did.

Lastly, I took a day—an entire day—and slowly, without stress or planning, I played hopscotch.

I took a nap.

I spent two hours on the phone with my mother-in-law.

I washed the dogs.

I went for a walk.

I baked some banana bread.

I laid out in my driveway in the beautiful weather (looking much like a beached whale at six months pregnant) and listened to the wind chimes.

I took a long shower while Wrena played in the bathtub.

What I learned is that, more than anything, it isn’t doing the actual acts of relaxation and celebrating simple joys that is the issue—it’s the ridding myself of the guilt of taking the time to do them.

Now, I see it as my responsibility, even more so now that I am only half of a parenting team.

If he can’t be here, it is my job to do these things so that I don’t miss Wrena and Chloe growing up and all those sweet little moments like hearing “I love you, Mama,” and “I miss my daddy” as we draw pictures of our family down our sidewalk.

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Retired Blogger

Retired Blogger

Army Wife Network is blessed with many military spouses who share their journey through writing in our Experience blog category. As we PCS in our military journey, bloggers too sometimes move on. Their content and contributions are still valued and resourceful. Those posts are reassigned under "Retired Bloggers" in order to allow them to remain available as content for our AWN fans.

3 thoughts on “Simple Joys

  • May 7, 2007 at 1:21 am
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    Not speaking of all the other changes outside the family. Like new buildings, stores, machines etc.pp. So many things can change within in a year. He changes, we change, friends change, everything changes. Simple joys is the essence of live.

    Reply
  • May 7, 2007 at 12:31 pm
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    OK…Now you made me cry. Everything you said is so true—and it hurts. Good for you for riding out the spiral and getting back up. I can’t seem to pull it together lately. The extensions have really thrown me—I can’t even think of anything to write.I feel like I am just surviving each day. I had convinced myself I could “do” 12 months. Yet, 15 months seems impossible and thinking about the rumored 18 or 21 months sends me into a panic. I know I have to do this—I just need to figure out how and get back to the place I was a month ago. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  • May 7, 2007 at 2:47 pm
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    Oh Tara, you’ve got me in tears. I’ve yet to go through this and I’m terrified, but reading that my feelings are justified and that there is strength out there helps me know I can do it. Thanks for sharing your story with us

    Reply

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