State of the Uterus Address

Brandi and I have been friends for nearly two decades now. We joke that we are each other’s “oldest” girlfriend, so we can pretty much talk about anything. She is a passionate gal and a fellow blogger. Recently, she posted something on Facebook that really got me thinking, which blossomed into a conversation that we now dub “State of the Uterus.”

I don’t know what the deal is, but some people, both inside and outside the military spouse circle, don’t seem to have boundaries or discretion on some personal discussion topics.

Apparently, among females, a popular topic is that of procreation. It blows my mind how many people give “advice” or “feedback” on my plans (or lack thereof) of producing another Tiny Human.

Side note: This blog post doesn’t really apply to the close friends who know your business because you openly and willingly share without awkwardness. I’m talking about the randos who for some bizarre reason believe they are entitled to a copy of your family planning blueprints.

“There’s nothing I’d rather talk to a stranger about in the produce section of the store than when my hubs and I are gonna get busy with the baby making process,” said this woman never.

I just think it’s awkward, man. For reals.

My hubs and I have one Tiny Human who just turned 3. She’s great. (A handful, but great.) We’ve been married nearly six years. And the way some people react when they realize we “just” have one child still completely catches me off guard. (We miscarried our first baby, but more on that in a minute.)

So, to combat this popular problem, I have come up with two solutions.

First, all women everywhere should do a formal “State of the Uterus Address” once a year and publish it on the inter webs for all the world to see in order to subdue the curiosity of acquaintances/strangers/people at the gas station on our baby-making business.

The most effective way to accomplish said task would be to record it as Will-Ferrell-Impersonating-George-W-Bush style and say something like this:

“Good evening, my fellow Americans. Thank you for tuning into my Annual State of the Uterus Address. At this time, you should know that our territory remains unoccupied by any foreign residents, and we plan to keep our borders tight to maintain this status as we move into the future. If any outsiders attempt to breach our boundaries, know that we will do everything possible to inform you as details arise. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.” 

Or, the second option is that people can just back off and kind of stop being so darn nosy… Because the baby-making business is nobody’s business but our own (unless we choose to share at our discretion).

I know, I know, in our world of #SharingAllTheThings on various social media outlets, people almost seem to be entitled to know our business. But everybody needs to simmer down and back off a little bit, because we really, truly have no way of knowing what is going on in people’s lives behind the screen, and prying questions can inflict pain or pressure that, albeit unintentional, can still really hurt.

Those questions about “When are you going to have a baby?” or the sage advice of, “Best hurry up, your clock is ticking, honey!” does nothing but hurt those couples who really want a baby but it is taking way longer than anticipated… or are perhaps even struggling with infertility.

What if that woman on the receiving end of those questions is grieving a pregnancy loss?

Maybe a woman is loving life with her one child and wants to wait a while before introducing a sibling to the mix? What if her first pregnancy was emotionally or physically hard on her, so she’s still a bit gun shy about trying the baby-making thing again? Maybe she has a special needs child and isn’t quite ready to try and figure out how to do the sibling of special needs experience?

How would we know if her husband has been deployed for a long time and is struggling to readjust to life back in the States? That’s not really stuff people happily broadcast on Facebook. Maybe marriage is extra difficult right now… or extra awesome… and with all that, maybe they don’t want to make major life changes.

Or how about a woman is perfectly happy with not having kids at all? Or having an only child? Or parenting six of them?

It is truly not our (nor the well-meaning-although-slightly-nosy woman in the produce section’s) place to judge others on what their procreation plan should look like to be “normal.”

Everyone’s “State of the Uterus” is kind of her own business. So let’s join together, support one another, and let it be.

Now, if you will please excuse me, I need to go practice my Will Ferrell/George W. Bush impression for my upcoming annual address.

Readers, does this post strike a chord with you? What do you think? Chime in and leave a comment below.