Life Lessons of Military Life and Parenthood

My firstborn and I have a special bond, although it isn’t an uncommon one in military life. He came into the world while my husband was at basic training; I became both a military spouse and a mom in a matter of weeks. I entered military life and parenthood around the same time.

With the best of intentions, my husband and I learned early on how painful it is to love a child so much; even before we’d met him, we’d do whatever it takes to give him the best life we possibly could. Making the decision to launch my husband’s military career at such a monumental time in our young lives and marriage was our first parenting sacrifice.

Although I put on my best brave face (which probably looked more like a mixture of nausea and panic than anything else) for my husband when he shipped out, I’ve reached a point in my life where I can honestly say out loud to myself and the rest of the world:

I’ve never been more terrified in my entire life.

I was afraid of all of the things the military would ask of our family: the painful separations and the inevitable moves we would be making, over and over again.

I was afraid of the typical things of first-time motherhood: the pains of labor, the exhaustion, and of what it really means to care and provide for a newborn baby.

I was afraid of saying goodbye to life as I knew it.

I was afraid of all of the unknowns and of the huge changes that were coming our way.

I was afraid, by choosing military life, we made a terrible mistake.

But, mostly, I was afraid I wouldn’t be enough for our son.

Could I make it through? Was I prepared enough?

Then, there I was, kissing my husband goodbye and taking in his unshaven face one last time before he left for training.

A few tearful weeks later, I found myself in a hospital gown, holding my newborn son in my arms, and for the first time since my husband left, that grip of fear and panic on my heart released, if only for a moment.

Watching the color fill my baby’s purple cheeks, feeling the strength of his little fingers as they wrapped themselves tightly around my own, I knew he wasn’t as fragile and weak as I thought he’d be.

He was strong, and I would be, too.

We would learn to survive.

Together.

And that’s just what we did (although, at times, it seemed just barely).

In those first months of military life and parenthood, each of my new roles taught me tough but important lessons about the other.

I used to think being a good military spouse and parent was a certain combination of taking the right advice and being successful at all of the right techniques, and I used to the think that I’d failed at following through with most (if not all of them) every single day.

But, you know what I’ve come to realize?

There is no such thing as The Perfect Parent or The Perfect Military Spouse.

It’s up to us to stop second-guessing ourselves and comparing our lives to others. One mom or military spouse’s reality is not better than another’s.

We learn as we go.

No matter how many things on the baby registry we buy, how many books we read, or how many resilience classes we take, there is no way to be fully prepared.

Often, it’s not about thriving; it’s about surviving.

Sometimes, this means taking it day by day, even if it feels like we’ve only just made it through.

It’s about figuring out how we can best love our children and spouses. 

Every relationship is different, and what works for one isn’t necessarily going to work for another.

It’s about learning to live life all over again and see the world from a brand new perspective.

Although I still have a lot to figure out, I’ve come to believe military life and parenthood is about learning to really, truly love, give, be humble, make sacrifices, not take ourselves so seriously, and care for another life better than our own.

It’s about trusting in something bigger than ourselves.

For me, that means putting my fears and anxieties in God’s hands and having faith in His plans for our family.

What have you learned about parenthood and/or military life so far? What were/are your greatest fears about becoming a parent or military spouse?