We Are Leaders, Too

Whatever you do, no matter if you feel like going or not, attend ceremonies and events. Your presence at the event speaks volumes. Your presence says that “it” (whatever “it” may be) is important.

I was given this really good piece of advice from a very intelligent, fun-loving, inspiring woman I know. She is a woman I deeply respect for her energy and honesty, but mostly, because she is “real.” She happens to be the wife of an Army general.

Now, I’m sure you want to ask me why it would matter that she is a general’s wife. I’m not a big believer in spouses wearing the rank of their service member. So really, it doesn’t matter what his rank is. What matters, though, is in direct correlation—her level of experience along this journey and the position of leadership she has been placed in because of her service member’s career.

Let’s be frank: Rank may not matter, but experience does, and usually the two are intertwined. We all know that a spouse assumes a certain level of leadership based on their service member’s rank. Whether you’re the spouse of a sergeant major or the spouse of a colonel—no matter your service member’s rank—there are assumptions and expectations from others that are attached to those years of experience you carry.

Spouses are sometimes thrust into situations that we really wish we weren’t and some for which we never asked.

I’m sure that, at the time the general’s wife gave me this advice, she never dreamed it would have been so meaningful to me or that, in her delivery, she would profoundly impact the rest of my Army journey. If she did, she never let on. She was just doing her “job,” and doing it well. She was passing on inspiration, knowledge, and advice to a fellow brave soul along her road march.

As “seasoned” spouses, we forget we’re leaders, too. Perhaps it’s by default, but nevertheless, we are the ones that pave the way for those who follow. They look to us for examples of how to brave this life. What we do and how we act is very important to our environment. We have the power to make or break someone’s experience along this journey. You may not realize it, but your actions speak louder than your words ever will.

You’ve all met the uncommunicative, better-than-you, know-it-all, snob of a colonel’s wife, haven’t you?

Don’t be her.

The most effective leaders are those that create a positive environment. Show genuine appreciation. Communicate openly. Demonstrate loyalty to our Army (but don’t be afraid to take a stand). Most importantly, be approachable. Be real. Be normal. Be honest with yourself and humble with others. Credibility is the foundation of leadership. People like people who show they are human.

Too many spouses spend years living Army life and thinking they know it all. Just because you have done something before doesn’t mean you know all the answers or that you did it right. You need help from others. No one is an expert. By the time you think you’ve gotten it figured out, the Army will change it.

We need to know that leadership skills come from learning, too. If anything else, we need to learn from our younger generation and know the struggles they are facing and realize they may or may not be the same as ours. We need to understand how to reach them and how to connect. We need to stop making assumptions that if we know it, everyone does. We need to know what others don’t know and teach it to them if we’re able. But we also need to know what they know so we can be effective.

We can only do that by opening ourselves up and embracing the position in which we have been placed. We can only lead if we know who is following. Real leadership means leading yourself. Let’s lead ourselves to reach out and ask, participate, and become a part of the bigger picture that is our own Army family.