When the Going Gets Tough

Welcome to AWN’s Monthly Recon Rendezvous link-up! We are so glad you’re here. Just as the name implies, Recon Rendezvous is a place of community and connection. It’s an opportunity to explore and learn about our fellow military supporters’ lives, victories, trials, and experiences.

Each month, we “rendezvous” here to provide information, resources, and encouragement. So do some “reconnaissance,” link up, swing by your “neighbor,” and leave a comment. 

Being a military spouse is a walk in the park… And by park, I mean Jurassic Park.

Some days I feel like I can conquer the world while other moments it’s a complete miracle that my kids are still alive and I remembered to put on pants.

We’ve all heard the saying “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” I’d like to consider myself tough, but where the heck am I supposed to “go” on tough days when my service member is already gone to work/TDY/deployment?!

The first answer is to “go” crazy. (Not my preference.) Second option is to find creative ways to cope.

For the next couple of months, we’ll be digging into my personal strategies as well as some legit suggestions from milspouse readers like you on how to deal when the going gets tough.

My tip this month is that when the going gets tough, I get… a bath. I bet you’re simply stunned at the profoundness of that extremely complex strategy.

But seriously, a warm bath is my happy place. Not only does it relax all my tense muscles and give me a little bit of alone time, but for me, it’s symbolic of washing away all the “junk” of the day.

Sure, it can be a little tricky to make this happen when we have Tiny Humans running around our house and we’re on solo parenting duty. But where there’s a will, there’s usually a way.

Ideally, I go to my bath time happy place in the evening when husband is home to keep half an eyeball on the kids, but that’s an impossibility when he is gone/at work/deployed. So what’s a tough milspouse gonna do?

I have to strategize and prioritize. It might mean taking a bath late in the evening after kids are in bed.

Getting “my time” might be a middle-of-the-day soak when the baby is asleep and my pre-preschooler is at “school.” (If we were not at a remote duty station, she would be in hourly care… Same difference.)

If I’m super desperate, I’m not shy about occasionally breaking screen time rules and letting my Tiny Humans watch a little extra something, so I can have some time to re-up my “get-toughness.”

It doesn’t always work out perfectly, but sometimes the effort is the most important thing. I try to take care of myself. I don’t hesitate to engage epsom salts, essential oils, candles, soft music, or an adult beverage (sometimes it’s just Cream Soda in a wine glass… still counts) with my bath time routine.

But hey, a soak in the tub isn’t the only way to cope. There are dozens of ways to deal when the going gets tough. Check out what our AWN followers had to say about it:

When the going gets tough… 

“I work out and try to stay busy. I rely on friends, other spouses, and family to talk to and help me keep a positive perspective. I try very hard to force myself to stay positive and find the silver lining… there always is one if you look hard enough.” — Allison M.

“I take a long hot shower and give myself the time to have a complete meltdown. By the time the water starts to go cold, I get out and try to pull myself back together the best I can and move forward.” — Pamela O.

“There’s no right or wrong or a book to follow. Everyone does it their own way. I believe friends and family are the most important part in my life… just having someone to call or talk to when I have a down day—or even when I have good news!” — Bianca D.

“I try to enjoy social activities that include the kids, often with other spouses with kids in the same age range. One time, my daughters and I all signed up for a community theater production. Also, when the going gets tough we share chores or find fun ways to get involved with the community.” — Greta I.

“I go to church!” — Reese M.

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going! Keeping busy is the best way to make the time go faster. Walking is an activity you can do alone or with kids. Make it fun, use the time to clear your mind. Challenge yourself to find something positive about every day. Just don’t stop doing it…get going.” — Karla K.

Sure, I’m biased. But I think these are great suggestions. Readers, what do you do when the going gets tough? I would love to hear all about it. Jump in and leave a comment below.