But Do They Appreciate All They Have?

If the title of this piece caught your eye, a number of things could have crossed your mind. Because you are most likely part of the military family, you may have thought it referred to civilians whose spouses are not at risk of dismemberment and death on their “work trips.” Or perhaps you thought it referred to other military spouses whose active duty member hasn’t deployed seven times in the last ten years.

No, I’m referring to the children many of us are raising today.

Like many Americans I cannot get enough of Stephen E. Ambrose’s Band of Brothers. He perfectly captures what Tom Brokaw coined “The Greatest Generation.” Following World War II, these giants of American history returned home to build the greatest nation the Earth has known. Because they fought through so many unfathomable horrors next to so many brothers who died on foreign soil, they may have been the first generation, and only generation, in history who could not be told by their parents that life was harder for the parents. America was fortunate they came home to remake our country in their image.

The parents of the Greatest Generation did not need to instill gratitude in their children. The Greatest Generation was grateful simply for living.

Do our children appreciate all they have is an important question to ask today, because these children we are raising will be our neighbors tomorrow, our employees, our employers, the person sitting next to us at church and school. In other words the people that will transform our society into their image.

For my wife and me, it’s a weekly (if not sometimes daily) question, do they appreciate all they have? If you are like me, this question is triggered primarily one of two ways. The first way is when you witness a child that is not yours acting entitled; leaving you to wonder what that child will be like as an adult. And wondering if your child is not at risk for similar behavior. It is always easier to spot this behavior in a child other than your own because once you remove the emotional biases, entitled behavior is easily identifiable. It’s a similar concept to the “your friends don’t like your girl/boyfriend.”

Remember when you were young and dating and your friends knew the boy or girl you were dating was a jerk or jerkette but you just didn’t see what they were seeing? At least until you broke up with them (for good), and then once you did, you saw immediately what your friends with no emotional biases had been seeing all along?

That’s what it’s like to recognize entitled behavior in other children whom you do not know.

The other way you question whether your children appreciate all they have is when you start a sentence with, “When I was a kid…” How many times have you as a parent said that to your children? It has been used in stand-up comedy routines for years with lines such as “When I was a kid, we had to walk uphill both ways to school in snow all year long.” These comedians use this material because there is a truth to it (less the exaggeration) that we all relate to as we age.

The first scenario that pops into my mind is when we are driving to a restaurant as a family and one of the children states something to the fact they do not like the choice of restaurant. I will inevitably point out that when their mom and I were kids we were lucky if we were able to dine out two or three times a year. Never in our wildest dreams would the thought have crossed our minds to question our parent’s choice in restaurants. We were simply so thrilled to be eating out that we didn’t care what was on the menu.

But there are other examples as well. There are the clothes and shoes that were once reserved for the start of school but now occur all calendar year long.

There are the trips and mini-vacations that are squeezed in all year long, when for many of us as children, vacations were something that happened once every one or two years.

Part of the problem comes from things that are good. Where vacations used to be only for the wealthy, now there are options such as national park campgrounds or Motel 6 that allow people of all income levels to vacation several times a year.

Where clothes shopping used to be Sears or K-Mart, and they controlled the price, now there are more retailers than you can name not to mention the thousands of clothing options on Amazon that allow the purchase of inexpensive clothing on any day of the year.

It’s great that you and your children can take a break from work and school to vacation several times a year. It’s also great that, unlike when we were kids, your children don’t have to wear plastic bags on their feet in their winter boots to keep the melting snow from soaking their socks because of all the holes.

But if they never wore plastic bags over their feet in their boots, how do you instill gratitude in your children that they are one generation removed from having to do so? You can tell them.

And we do.

But being told something is not the same as experiencing something yourself.

Compounding this issue is we are a military family. When your child celebrates their birthday, their brother’s birthday, their sister’s birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas without their mom who is deployed you can feel a twinge of guilt in reinforcing the meaning of sacrifice to them.

My wife and I believe in and participate in volunteer work and involve our children as much as possible, but as our society becomes more litigious, opportunities with minors under 18 become more and more limited. Previously these would have been good opportunities to demonstrate gratitude for food (food shelf) and having a roof over your head (homeless shelter). Now it becomes harder to instill gratitude for those basic human needs that so many in our society still go without.

As our children grow we will continue to educate them on their fortunes by using daily opportunities such as saying grace at meals, but please post your suggestions on how to instill gratitude in the next generation.

For with this next generation we will once again remake society in their image.