Mommy Blues: Can I Get a Connection?

Being a full-time mom is the greatest gift I could ask for. Some days may be hard, but generally, it turns around for the better. What no one seems to want to acknowledge is how lonely it is. In my case, I’m feeling a bit extra lonely since my family just moved to a new area.

The house is beautiful and in a great location. The big plus about the property is that my husband and son enjoy living in the woods with land to run and play as much as they want. As for me, I prefer to have some friends to talk to other than my husband and toddler.

Before we left El Paso, I saw my friends quite often because we would walk a few miles together and catch up. Some days, we would get together and cook, go shopping (before the COVID-19 shut down), have game nights, or do crafts together. It was normal to see them three times a week for a workout or coffee to enjoy the weather. I do find myself missing them more than usual nowadays.

But what I miss most of all is the feeling of connecting with someone on a friendship level.

Connecting with people has always been a hard task for me. It seems as if every time I try to make meaningful connection, it ends badly. I am not sure how or why, but it seems as if others often find an excuse to stop being my friend. It used to bother me so much that it ruined my day. It would not make any sense, but it seemed as if these people were only friends with me because they needed or wanted something from me, whether it was a ride, a babysitter, or a favor.

I have not really thought about it much up until recently. I am home all day long with our 2-year-old and pets, so I assumed I would not have much time to think about the “why” of connection problems on my end. I did notice how my friends seem to have a deeper connection with each other but not with me.

I began to wonder if it was my personality, or the fact that I may seem eccentric to them, or if it was just me in general. At times, it would not bother me, but now that I have had too much downtime, I’ve thought about it more. It could be while I’m working on a crochet project or organizing things in the new house, and at random, the question pops into my mind and I ask myself, “what is it about me that makes it hard for anyone to establish a friendship connecting with me?”

Most days, I am at a loss on how to problem-solve on how to make a meaningful friendship connection with someone. I have tried the shared interest, play dates, and trouble shooting with my therapist, but I still have a lot of work to do on my end. Like most people, I am not the best at communicating via text and phone calls. Often, I forget or get so nervous I freeze up mentally and can’t find the words to engage in conversation. It could be acute shyness, but I know it is because I am nervous and fearful of an outcome or if I will say something weird.

The days get quite lonely, but I feel as if I should take this time to reflect on how to be better and more willing to try and make a connection. I found a few articles online, but one stuck out to me above the others: 7 Ways to Create Meaningful Connections That May Save Your Life by Susan Steinbrecher. She made several key points about engaging more and proceeding without fear and judgment.

I like her advice on saying “yes” to more opportunities, but I also need to be able to say “no,” too, if I don’t feel comfortable or if I’m not available for the time being. I do have a long road ahead of me so I can become more confident in myself and my ability to make a meaningful connection in terms of friendship. When that day comes, I’ll be ready to try and find and make meaningful friendships.

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Anastassia Kennedy

Anastassia Kennedy

Anastassia is originally from North Carolina, born and raised in Fort Bragg. She is a military child turned spouse, so the Army has been a part of who she is for her entire life. She and her husband have been married for six years and have two boys (2 and 5 years old) and are currently stationed in Washington, Illinois (for now at least). She is hoping her next assignment will take her back down South next because she does not enjoy snow filled winters! She is a stay at home mom with a knack for Crocheting (she actually turned her hobby into a side job- how cool is that?) She also enjoys yoga, podcasts, reading, thrifting, and exploring cities and villages. Most of her exploring various places is food related as she loves trying new foods (and finding cool tea rooms) so she can broaden her pallet. Not to mention, you always meet the nicest people in restaurants and bakeries! Anastassia is a fun-loving person who is always ready at a moment's notice to enjoy life, have fun, and make new friends.

One thought on “Mommy Blues: Can I Get a Connection?

  • December 6, 2020 at 8:34 pm
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    I’m sorry to hear that. I think people in my generation are so use to texting, social media, and whatever that we forgot to learn how to talk face to face lol. I’m 32yrs old.

    I think if you find what you enjoy and start a group that’s how you can find friends. I know covid is here and it’s hard, but gives you time now to find out who the real you is. Learn a new skill, project, etc.

    Reply

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