The Hardship of a Hardship Tour
Well, it has been a month. A month of sleeping on my own, a month of taking care of the house and family on my own, a month since my service member left for a year-long hardship tour to Korea. I know many spouses have gone on this same journey, and I have wonderful friends who have given me great details of what to expect from a hardship tour.
I don’t normally mind the first few months of a separation. I’m someone who believes that absence makes the heart grow fonder and it is nice to have some “space” now and again. I’m normally fine dealing with field exercises, TDYs, and schools where my husband has to leave for a few months. That is not to say that I don’t miss my husband terribly when he is gone; it means that I like the feeling of having some individual time and something to look forward to—him coming home.
Now, even though I know I’m doing okay right now, I know there are going to be nights where I just can’t help but shed those tears because I miss my husband, especially after a difficult day.
A life in the military, dealing with deployments and other various separations, has shown me that when my husband is gone, it is not necessarily the intimacy I miss most (not saying that I don’t miss that very much), but it is more the simple comfort of having him here.
I miss the simple things of just being able to tell him about my day, or watch our favorite television shows together, or being able to share a meal together. This has been the biggest hardship of this tour so far.
I miss having him around.
This tour has also been hard on me because we are in a remote location. For the past three years, my soldier was on recruiting duty, then came down on orders for Korea. During past deployments and separations, it was always a comfort to be engulfed within the military community and be surrounded by my battle buddies and other spouses who understand the hardships.
Thankfully, I’m able to stay connected to my military community and battle buddies through the wonders of social media and my incredible battles here at Army Wife Network. I don’t know what I would do in this life without my buddies. They are a lifeline for me.
So, as my family and I begin this next journey in our Army life, I want to hear from those spouses who have endured a hardship tour.
What were some of the most challenging aspects of a hardship tour for you besides just the separation?
My fiancé is pcsing to Korea in January. (We wi be married before he leaves ). I keep hearing horrible cheating stories about how badly it is over there. I work at a bar in fort benning so I hear it all. I’m terrified !
im new to this I just moved down to Georgia wit my boyfriend and today he left to go into the field for a month I hope it gets a little easier on me on himi being gone and an empty home.
hang in there! 🙂 Korea’s actually not a bad location for them to be spending a hardship tour, outside of the time difference. We just finished a year and it zipped right by! Give a yell if you need anything, and absolutely try to go visit the country while he’s there, it’s amazing!
Hang in there, Janet! Ryan and I loved having Skype dates on weekends or sometimes I would even wake up at 4am PT to say hello while he was on his lunch break. Will you be able to visit? I loved getting to see Korea 🙂
Hang in there my dear friend. It was hard for me but I kept busy. I’m here if you need some laughs.
Even living in a remote area there are ways to fill your day with activities and support. Get involved in local churches, volunteer at the school or deliver Meals on Wheels. Visit the local library. Read the local newspaper and get involved with local activities. Keep a journal, scrapbook. Attend classes at the local community college. Learn new skills- cooking, canning, sewing, crafts. Don’t spend the day sitting at the computer, get out and make some friends. Be thankful every day that your husband is not in a combat zone facing danger. You will have the opportunity to join your husband for short vacations – utilize space A flights!
My husband has been there almost 6 weeks, hang in there
I’m two months down in the same situation. Find something to occupy your time. I volunteered with the PTO this year while my two youngest are in school. It’ll go by faster than you think. At least there is an opportunity to go and visit unlike other tour locations. Although we’ve been through deployments before and for longer, it doesn’t every get easier, you just have learned ways to handle things better. I also get those times when I just feel down because I just want to hang out with my husband but being able to communicate with him almost daily helps a lot. Hang in there! You got this!