These Words Belong Here

You don’t want to hear this from me. Clearly, it isn’t mine to say. I am a white girl trying to write something about racism against black people. I’m writing it because…

I stood in the cemetery with my friend and her mom, visiting a gravesite of someone unknown to me. My friend’s mom is a funny lady. You should hear her joke about ladies selling more than a sandwich.

But, I wasn’t laughing as I stood in the cemetery with my friend and her mom visiting a gravesite of someone unknown to me. I was in shock after my friend’s mom made a comment about “my people.” I don’t recall my response or even if I had one. I hope my friend and her mother don’t remember the look upon my face in that moment. There is no appropriate face to have as you stand there and hear about “your people.”

My screaming gut reaction inside of me had to have been, “No. No, ma’am. Not ‘my people.’ I would never begin to know people like that.”

Today, I can tell you my gut reaction was so wrong.

Today, my friend tells me she remembers that day.

Today, I tell her, “Me too, and it’s good because I will forever.”

Today, all I can really say is I love my friend, and I love her mother, and I think they love me, too.

Today is not the day to say I don’t believe in labels or that my friends and loved ones are diverse and beautiful. Today is the day to flat out say I am a white girl trying to write about racism against black people.

Racism is wrong, and it is past time to say so. As my friend pointed out—what could I say that hasn’t been said already? She’s right, of course, but you’ve read this far so let’s keep at it.

For explicit context, this writing comes after the horrible death of George Floyd, but please do not mistake the timing to mean my heart hasn’t been heavy for a long, long time.

Today, I choose my words to share the following thoughts, whether they resonate as new ideas to you or not.

Honestly, I have tried to choose these words, rewrite them, revisit them, and overthink them because no matter how you read them or react to them, I’ll be judging my words harsher than you ever could. In my other drafts this is where I included two sections trying to encourage two big things—

Listen.

Act.

While I believe what I wrote in those two sections was important and worth saying, I pray those two words are already impressed upon your mind and heart.

Listen.

Act.

(If you don’t understand why these two words are important, please read someone else’s writing. There are plenty of people trying to explain it, and they’re doing a better job than I probably could.)

So here is the one thing I think I can tell you that is a little unique. To attempt to answer my friend’s question—“What could you say that hasn’t already been said?”

Relate.

I fully understand that I will never understand the depth of racism that any African American has ever felt. This is not to take away from any of their feelings and experiences, but I think we are wrong if we do not try to relate, to personally make some kind of connection, while trying to show empathy and support.

My belief is that there isn’t any part of life unaffected by big, ugly, deep-rooted issues such as racism, and as such, I do need to tell you why I believe I can put these words here, on this Army Wife Network platform.

While my mind is not absent to the notion that I have this outlet and this opportunity to share, writing it for the sake of it doesn’t mean it belongs on a military spouse website.

These words belong here, for military community members and civilians alike to read, because my husband signed on the dotted line. You have no idea how much I hate that he has agreed to give his own life if needed. All I can do to make my peace with that is keep trusting that, God-forbid that should ever happen, this is a country I should be proud to have my husband defend. I really need to believe in that.

In the current state of our nation, my pride in our country feels tarnished.

I believe that it is not too late to change, and I hope to be wholeheartedly proud again. Proud of why my husband would risk it all.

There are more than 220,000 African American military service members as of 2018 reports.

Today, I wonder if African African military spouses and military family members want to believe this a thousand times more strongly than I do, that this country is worthy of their loved ones’ 220,000 plus signatures on the dotted lines.

We all want a country we can be proud to have “our people” defend.

Invitation

Do the hard things. Do the right things.

Please share with me the hard and right things you are doing to stand up against racism.

We are listening. Let us know what we can do at Army Wife Network to support you, include you, and help your voices be heard.