3 Ways to Reduce Stress During Deployment

A little more than halfway through a 12-month deployment, I remember waking up one morning feeling like the world was crashing down around me. I looked in the mirror, half-expecting to see smoke pouring out of my ears. The amount of pressure and deployment stress I felt from the wildly negative emotions swirling around inside my head and chest had become unbearable.

I was angry, resentful, and completely overwhelmed.

I knew I couldn’t spend another day of deployment like this.

Something had to change. And fast.

Even though it took a lot more time than I would have liked, I was eventually able to make three changes that reduced my mounting stress to a healthier, more manageable level for the duration of the deployment. I’m sharing them today with the hope that these tips will help you, too.

1. Stop keeping score.

When my husband left for his first year-long deployment, I was all about counting down the days until he’d be home. At first, watching another evening come to pass was a huge morale boost, but there eventually came a point when counting down the days we’d overcome turned to dwelling on the heartbreaking amount of time we’d spent apart.

That’s when I began to keep score.

In addition to how many hours and minutes we had left before being together again, I knew exactly how long we’d been on opposite sides of the world.

I became obsessed with the number of milestones my husband had missed and how many months worth of quality bonding time he and our baby boy would never get back.

Without even realizing it, I began counting the days in how many diapers I’d changed and nights I’d tossed and turned with worry, how many times the truck had broken down, the renters needed repairs, and how many times I’d needed my husband when he wasn’t there.

The truth is, it was easier for me to keep track of how much I felt like I’d given up, but counting the moments lost had a way of breeding a gnawing bitterness that would’ve consumed me if I’d let it.

Focusing on the future instead of holding onto the past helped me stop keeping score and let go of the anger I’d been carrying for so long.

2. Start a gratitude journal.

Instead of continuing to count the costs of military life (not only the months of separation, but the number of moves and other sacrifices we’ve had to make), I chose to start a gratitude journal. It’s one of the best things I did for myself to reduce stress during deployment.

Each day, I made time to write something I was thankful for in a special notebook I picked out just for the exercise. More often than not, it took a lot of effort, and I had to dig down deep to find something to be grateful for, but when I did, it never failed to shift my perspective and help me to better see the positives amidst the challenges and stresses of everyday circumstances.

Over time, this simple habit helped me release my feelings of resentment and re-discover thankfulness.

3. Stick to accomplishing one realistic goal at a time.

I love to plan and make lists of all the awesome things I intend to achieve, and I tend to set the bar pretty high for myself.

Okay, too high. There, I said it.

When my husband shipped out to the Middle East, I was determined to spend the entire year checking off a long list of accomplishments. I was going to lose a bunch of weight. I was going to complete a pharmaceutical program and get my master’s degree. I was going to start a popular blog. I was going to write a book. I was going to…

You get the picture.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that adding too many tasks to an already toppling pile of stress is a quick way to burn out. Simply making it through the day when I was solely responsible for all the tasks I typically share in my marriage was physically, mentally, and emotionally draining.

I learned the key to overcoming overwhelm and finding success was giving myself permission to stick to one realistic goal to accomplish at a time while my spouse was away.

For example, choosing to be laser-focused on my diet and fitness routine helped me achieve my weight loss goals. I wasn’t able to start my master’s program, but it was a small sacrifice for the season; I knew I could work on it later, and that’s exactly what I did.

 

 

One day at a time, that angry, resentful, overwhelmed version of myself transformed in the mirror before my eyes. When the year ended and my husband finally came home from deployment, we had new strains to deal with, but I was more prepared because I’d figured out how to make three small changes that helped reduce stress during deployment…and beyond.

What tips do you have to help military spouses reduce stress during deployment?