Thinking About Living Overseas?

Maybe you thought about living overseas before you had kids.

Maybe you thought about living overseas before you were married.

Maybe you thought about living overseas before you stopped dreaming.

What this piece is not about are those Facebook and Instagram posts you’ve seen from your friends stationed or living overseas where the entire family is standing in front of the Eiffel Tower or in the Neuschwanstein Castle upon which the Disney castle is modeled (see featured image). If living overseas was filled with those type of moments every second of every day, then who wouldn’t want to live overseas?

No, this piece is about the little adjustments we as Americans must make every day when living as expats (patriots living outside their native country). Keep reading to find out more about living overseas, but bear in mind this is not a hate piece about living overseas. I love living as an expat and wouldn’t trade this experience for myself and my children for anything. What this piece is really about are the cultural conveniences you leave on the shores of America when you move to another country.

If you are still interested in overseas living after hearing about those issues, I talk a little at the end about making your overseas experience happen.

My inspiration for this piece came when my 7- and 9-year-old daughters, Acadia and Eva respectively, needed help making lip balm at our home in Hohenfels, Germany. The instructions were simple enough, written for kids under 10. Unfortunately, that one simple step—microwave for 30 seconds—wasn’t possible because we have lived without a microwave since we left the United State nearly a year ago. Since that moment, I’ve thought about all the small (and some big) ways our lives are different as we live an expat life in Germany.

These aren’t the stories of the great trips to Ireland and Rome. I don’t need to tell you the benefits of being a day’s drive from Paris and Prague. No, these are the stories of day-to-day life. So read along and see if living overseas is for you and if it is, read through to the end where I talk about achieving your goal of living abroad.

PEPPERONI PIZZA AND RED MEAT

Haven’t had a decent pepperoni pizza in one year. They have pepperoni in Germany, but it means spicy peppers. You would think with being so close to Italy (an 8-hour drive) that they would have a choice of so many cured meats that pepperoni would be available everywhere. I haven’t quite figured it out yet, but apparently Germans either don’t import this one item from Italy or pepperoni is a uniquely American product.

About the only pork product they don’t have is pork ice cream—to my knowledge. Aside from that, restaurants have found a way to get pork into every item on their menu. What is not on the menu? Red meat. Steaks are rare, and when found, not always appetizing. As for burgers, thank goodness we visited Ireland around the six month mark. Being in Ireland was like being back in America in terms of red meat. Irish beef does not disappoint. But as a testament to how great the culinary options are in Germany, I didn’t notice I was missing burgers and red meat until I visited Ireland and had that option offered at every meal.

THE LANGUAGE

According to St. George International there are 67 nations where English is the primary language and 27 where it is the official secondary language. If the language barrier scares you, there are 94 nations out of the 197 on Earth where you won’t have to feel confused and frustrated because you cannot understand anyone. If you are military and lucky enough to be awarded one of the choice assignments to England or Ireland, you’ll have no concern learning a new language.

Not so for my family. After living here for twelve months, I can almost hear my family groan as I say (in German, to the local nationals I encounter), “I am sorry. I am learning German slowly.” Learning the language has been hard. Not because the language itself is hard but because of the obstacles I place in front of myself.

One of those obstacles is no need to learn the language. Every German learns English in primary school and has a more than basic grasp of English—even when they are old enough to join AARP and learned English more than 50 years ago. They enjoy practicing English.

Another obstacle is the Google Translate app. All you have to do is point the camera at the sign, and it provides an instantaneous translation. Did Captain Kirk and Spock learn all those languages to speak to aliens, or did they simply use the “universal translator?” Consider Google Translate version 1.0 of the universal translator.

Finally, let’s look at the biggest obstacle. We will call this obstacle “life.” We all get busy with the kids, their classes, homework, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, gymnastics, basketball, et cetera. Spending ten minutes on Duolingo each day isn’t hard until it is.

During our time in Germany, we consider ourselves fortunate in that we are able to find a private rental where we live as the only Americans in a German village. That was our preference so we could experience and embrace our time overseas. It does, however, raise the bar for us, as we do have neighbors who speak no English. Life would have been much easier had we lived on post or in an American neighborhood off post, where all our immediate neighbors would be Americans. But that’s OK. Forcing yourself to be a little uncomfortable with what you do not know so you seek more knowledge can be a good thing.

SUNDAYS AND NIGHTTIMES

Do you like being able to run to the store any time you want? Or more importantly, any time you need? Ever have a child working on a school project that is due tomorrow and you need one more item for your child to complete the project? A child is sick in the middle of the night and you need children’s Tylenol? This is something I will not take for granted when we return to the United States. Here in Germany nearly all businesses are closed on Sunday, and nearly all grocery stores operate between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. the other six days of the week.

No RiteAid. No CVS. No Walgreens. No 24-hour pharmacy.

[Sidenote. Too funny. While writing this over Father’s Day weekend we were returning to our parked car to head home from the German city of Amberg when my wife noticed the time—8:15 p.m. Fifteen minutes too late to pick up ingredients for her specially planned Father’s Day dinner. We were out of luck until Monday at 7 a.m.]

As Americans, we are always on the go. Germans believe in relaxing, taking their time, and enjoying themselves. Although we live in a rural area of Bavaria, the lack of nighttime and Sunday hours includes cities such as Munich as well.

RESTAURANT SNAILS

Speaking of relaxing and taking your time let me tell you about restaurants. My wife and I had a system in the United States. When our entrees were served in a restaurant, and the server would say, “is there anything else I can get you?”, our standard reply was, “the check, please.” If you are a parent of young children, you know the importance of being equipped to make a fast getaway. Something that is impossible if you are at a restaurant with an unpaid bill. Paying that bill as soon as the meal comes allows you the freedom to leave should one of your children have an issue. Here in Germany, I don’t even consider entering a restaurant for food with less than two hours. If it’s only for a beer, I will allow one hour.

On a recent trip to Bamburg, we were dining in their biergarten. The server stopped at our table while we were halfway through our entrees to ask if we could leave by 6 p.m. as a reservation had been placed for the table where we were sitting. It was 3:30 p.m. when she asked. She wasn’t sure if we might need an additional 2.5 hours when more than half our meal was gone.

In the beginning, I could almost pull my hair out waiting for the server to return to my table so that I could pay my bill. While I still notice their inability to collect payment for the food, now I just chuckle at the impossibility of trying to pay your bill.

APPLIANCES

All those helpful tools you have added one by one over the years as you could afford them—the power saw, power drill, Kitchen Aid mixer, vacuum cleaner, dustbuster, toaster, and microwave, the list goes on and one. When we arrived in Germany, all those appliances instantly became useless because they run on 110 volts, and the voltage coming out of our walls was 220 volts. The workaround that some folks employ is a power converter that will convert the 220v to 110v; however, each of those converters can cost hundreds of dollars depending on the wattage. Even a simple toaster runs on 1200 watts and would require a converter costing roughly $100. What’s worse is that many folks report these appliances have a much shorter lifespan after running on converters for a few years.

So getting back to where this story began, rather than adapt our new country to our lifestyle, we adapted our lifestyle to our new country. For inexpensive items like toasters, we replaced them. For more expensive items like microwaves, we simply do without. And you know what? It just means it take a little longer to reheat leftovers when you have to use the oven or stovetop. And in the case of making the kids lip balm, you just need to be creative.

[Government-leased housing in some locations has homes with 110 outlets that will work for your American appliances, but be warned that it can still shorten your appliance’s life.]

For those of us in the military, the road to living overseas is easier.

STEP 1: TALK WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Ensure this is something you both want. This isn’t a week-long trip to Cancun where you decide after a few days it isn’t for you but only have to tough it out a few more days. Moving to and living in a new country as a military family requires commitment. A lot of commitment. Multi-year commitment. Having lived overseas for nearly a year now, I witness families in distress because one or both spouses just don’t want to be here anymore. Get on the same page and proceed to step two.

STEP 2: SUPPORT YOUR SPOUSE

It will be up to your spouse to persevere in asking for an overseas assignment and getting the support of their command. Overseas living is not for everyone, and the U.S. military knows this. They are looking for servicemen and women who are squared away and can be relied upon to be an asset, not a hindrance, when being assigned to an overseas station.

Unlike a cross-country move, a move overseas comes at a much higher cost to Uncle Sam. According to My Moving Reviews, international moving costs can easily exceed $10,000. This does not include your private vehicle, which will cost thousands of dollars depending on size and weight. If the military is going to invest this much in a military family, then they need to know the active-duty individual will be prepared for their job each and every day and willing and able to fulfill the multi-year commitment they accepted when being stationed overseas.

STEP 3: GETTING THE ASSIGNMENT

Getting the duty assignment doesn’t mean you are going. Getting the overseas duty assignment means that all members of the family must pass through several hoops before you may depart. Some are easy but just take time. For example, as a family stationed in Germany, we are required to have non-tourist DoD issued passports, stamped with the Status of Forces Agreement between Germany and the U.S. for each member of the family, save for the active-duty sponsor. This process is easy but needs to be completed so you can board that flight to your new home in Germany.

Then, there is the Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP). EFMP screens each member of the family to ensure any special needs can be easily accommodated at your new duty station. Those special needs are both medical and educational. Many spouses have tales of delayed overseas moves as well as outright cancellations due to issues raised in the EFMP process.

Once you arrive, don’t let your guard down. I have found a direct correlation between the families that are truly unhappy overseas with the families that fail to immerse themselves in local culture. A United States military installation will never replicate America with its six-day-a-week grocery store that closes at 6 p.m. most days. If you tether yourself to America when living in a foreign country you can never truly be happy.

I hope our paths cross, and if they do, please say hello!